How fast do you actually talk to your partner about money and finances when in a relationship? So what I am thinking about is how long it takes before the question of the other person’s financial situation is raised. This can, of course, be a rather sensitive issue and one would rather not be too early or too late to find out how it is.
If you start a relationship (or a date for that matter) by asking how rich the other person is or if he has any large assets / liabilities, there is definitely the risk of a short-term relationship. If you are interested in the other’s economy too early, you probably seem to be a little well-controlled, or alternatively the warning light for golddigger starts to flash.
So it may not be good to start snooping on their partner’s economy too soon
But if you wait too long, this can lead to problems. Imagine if the person you are with has huge debts. Then I do not mean student loans or anything that is quite normal, but for example debts on credit cards or expensive loans. Maybe your partner is a shopaholic who has no control over his finances and just spends. What are you doing then?
Would you like to be with someone who has obvious problems managing money? Although the answer to that question is no, it may already be too late if you wait long to find out. If you have been together for quite some time and have a serious relationship. And you may be very dear, too. Then you may have a difficult situation to deal with.
How long should one wait then?
Apparently, quite a few wait at least a few months before talking economy. It is common to even wait for a year or more. Talking about finances and money can feel difficult and it is a topic that is a bit taboo, or at least something that simply never comes up. Taking in such an important conversation requires some finesse, but you should not avoid it for long.
I myself would say that it is not so much about time but more about how the relationship develops. If you notice that it is starting to get serious, it may be time to talk about money simply. You get to know the situation a bit. If you feel safe with your partner, it is also clearly easier to talk about this. It does not feel as embarrassing to take it up and you know that the other will not misinterpret it.
How to react if what you find out is negative is another question
If the person you are with admits that she or he has large debts this may feel a little nervous. It will be especially difficult if you intend to move together or in some way have shared finances in the near future.
I cannot say for sure what I would do, as it would probably vary slightly from situation to situation. If I was very fond of my partner, I would probably invest in trying to teach her how to manage her finances responsibly and help her get better at taking care of her money. That way I can help her and at the same time ensure that we do not have any common problems in the future. How would you do?